


Gently, Softly, Before I Go

by Animal_Arithmetic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Kozume Kenma is a Good Friend, M/M, Minor Character Death, grab some tissues, okay maybe a lot of tissues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24709939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animal_Arithmetic/pseuds/Animal_Arithmetic
Summary: Out of nowhere, just before nationals, Hinata stops showing up to practice, showing up to school, doesn’t answer anyone’s phone calls or texts. They try his house but no one answers, the windows dark, dark, dark.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma
Comments: 9
Kudos: 414





	Gently, Softly, Before I Go

It was just before nationals when Hinata disappeared off the face of the Earth.

Their first worry had been when he had missed morning practice on a Wednesday three weeks before nationals were to start. He almost never missed practice—and even if he did, he at least let someone know he wouldn’t be making it due to running late or because of an illness.

No one had heard from him.

No one saw him in school, either, which was just as odd. By afternoon practice, no one had heard a peep from him. Several of them had sent him texts and Kageyama had even called, his concern masked under his yelling at his inbox.

Takeda-sensei was missing, too. Out sick, Ukai claimed that afternoon, so no one could ask him if Shouyou had been called in sick, too, and had just forgotten to tell them.

Thursday, Friday, nothing. Not a sound. Not a text. All calls went straight to voicemail. Takeda was still out with the flu, and administration wouldn’t tell them anything except give them sad looks. One of the first years swore they had seen him earlier that afternoon in the administration office with some lady and another boy his age, but they weren’t quite sure what to think that meant. They tried, once, to call his mom, but the line had been disconnected.

It was Yachi who suggested going to his house after practice Friday evening. If he was sick enough to not answer, then they should try to see if they could do anything to help, right? The other third year boys folded a little too quickly, even Tsukishima, but... It was just _weird_ for the radio silence. They piled into Tsukishima’s tiny car, the four of them just barely fitting, and drove up the winding mountain road at twilight.

No one spoke.

As they pulled up to Hinata’s house, they could see it was dark. Not even an outside light was on, or the kitchen light they knew usually stayed on. No one answered their knocking and Kageyama had gotten impatient enough to go around and knock on all the windows when the door yielded no Hinata.

Silence.

* * *

Shouyou collapsed, face first, onto his bed late, late, late that night. Tada-san had been a miracle, truly, but Shouyou was still exhausted and wanted to just sleep forever. All that legal talk the last three days had utterly drained him. He could feel the knot forming in his throat, the heat pooling in his eyes, breath turning shallow as he curled up as small as possible.

A body crashed beside him. Warmth draped over him as an arm slid over his waist and pulled him back into a chest.

“You can cry, Shouyou,” said that welcome, tired voice. “I’ve got you.”

A sob heaved its way out of his chest without his permission. That seemed to give his body permission to cry—almost hysterically, he felt like, as he turned in Kenma’s arms and clutched him so tight that Kenma squeaked. But Shouyou couldn’t let go, just pulled himself closer and closer, heaving and sobbing and screaming into Kenma’s chest until his throat was raw and he was drowning. Kenma just held him back even tighter, thin, nimble fingers digging into his back and ribs and slipping under his skin and burrowing into his lungs and—

A smaller body slammed into them. Natsu was already crying, wailing and screaming and clutching that stupid lion their mom had—

Shouyou choked, pulling away and hacking and trying to catch his breath. Kenma forced him up, rubbing his back and trying to soothe him with stilted words. Natsu burrowed her way into his lap anyway, squeezing him as tight as she could, lion gripped tight in her fist. Kenma, tentatively, wrapped his arms around them, squeezing them tight once Shouyou’s choking had stopped.

_“It’s not fair!”_

It wasn’t. It wasn’t it wasn’t and Shouyou hated—

That wasn’t fair, either.

Shouyou drew in a deep breath. Then another and another and another and another and buried his face in Natsu’s wild, soft hair. “I know, Natsu,” he choked out. “I know. It’s not and I’m—I’m so _sorry_ —”

“Shut up, stupid,” said Kenma, pinching his side. Shouyou tried to wriggle away but was trapped. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” Another pinch. Another useless wriggle. “My cousin is going to take care of everything. We’ll get it worked out. Now, we need to go to sleep. You’ve had a long few days and it’s not going to get easier any time soon.”

Right. Right. Shouyou sighed and twisted and wiggled with Natsu still in his arms until they were the right way in his bed, under the covers, with Natsu between them. She still clung tightly to him, cries much quieter after Kenma made them both drink some water.

Exhausted, Shouyou barely muttered “sweet dreams” before he was out.

* * *

They brought the urn home Monday afternoon. They spent the rest of the afternoon setting up the shrine to their mother, Kenma keeping diligent watch in the background. He was texting his cousin with updates, requesting Shouyou’s ‘graduation’ test be held off until Friday as he watched his best friend sniffle and wipe away his tears.

In order for Shouyou to get custody of his sister, Kenma’s cousin, Tada Hisako, had managed to convince all relevant parties to agree that he just needed to graduate early and find a job. The house was paid for already, but their mother’s money would eventually run out. Shouyou was eighteen and about to graduate in a few months anyway—and to show he was responsible enough to care for his sister as her guardian, he just needed to find a job. It didn’t matter _what_ job as long as he could keep a steady enough income. They’d also have frequent home visits that eventually tapered off over the next three years, but Kenma wasn’t concerned about those.

And, as far as they were aware, there were no living relatives on either side of the family and they couldn’t stand the idea of being separated.

Kenma, on the other hand, quietly offered to move in and help Shouyou where he could.

“I can’t—” Shouyou tried to protest. They were washing the dishes after supper while Natsu got ready for bed.

“You can,” Kenma insisted. “Think about it, Shou.” He turned, hands dripping soapy water onto the floor. “I’m not doing anything with all this money. I have a steady income. I can quit college—I don’t really need it, anyway. I can work from anywhere as long as I have internet, so I can watch Natsu while you’re at work.”

“I can’t take advantage of you like that.” Shouyou hated how small he sounded, how weak and vulnerable he was.

But, he also knew Kenma wouldn’t judge him, wouldn’t think that way of him.

Kenma hastily wiped his hand on his pants and brought it up to cup Shouyou’s cheek. He leaned into it, closing his eyes and wishing that this whole conversation wasn’t necessary in the first place. He could already feel his throat tightening. He was so _sick_ of crying.

“I want to help you,” Kenma nearly whispered. “I hate seeing you hurting so much, Shou. Let me ease your burden. Just a little.”

“They won’t take Natsu away, will they?”

Kenma shook his head. “I asked Hisako. She thinks it’s a great idea. You’d be showing initiative by providing childcare.”

“I’ll pay you back—”

“No, you won’t.” Kenma’s voice rang with finality. “I _want_ to help you. No payback.”

“I can’t—” Shouyou choked on a sob, roughly brushing away his tears.

Kenma pulled him in close, his wet hand soaking through Shouyou’s shirt. “You can and you will. Let me help you, damn it.”

Shouyou’s laugh was choked and watery, but he clung tighter, hating that he felt so weak. He loved it at the same time, though, that Kenma was there to catch him every time he wobbled at the edge.

“I can’t—I can’t—” Shouyou choked, squeezing his eyes tight and squeezing Kenma even tighter. “I can’t move my mom’s stuff, though. I can’t—I can’t go in her room, or, or—”

“That’s okay,” Kenma said soothingly. “No rush. I’ll just set up in the guest room, okay? Tomorrow I’ll get all that taken care of while you study for your test.”

Shouyou groaned. “I _hate_ tests.”

“I know.”

And... Did Kenma just... kiss his temple? Shouyou looked up, eyes wide, to see Kenma’s cheeks turning a light pink.

“You can do it. I believe in you, Shou.”

Kenma turned back to the dishes, furiously scrubbing a plate well past squeaky clean. With a small smile, Shouyou turned back to drying the dishes.

* * *

He demanded to take the test on Thursday and just barely passed.

But he passed and he was graduated from high school.

The moment he got home, Kenma looked up from his laptop. He was sitting, cross-legged, on the couch, a cup of tea on the end table beside him. Kenma hastily set the laptop on the coffee table and shot to his feet, anxiously wringing his hands in front of him.

“Well?”

Shouyou grinned. “We’re celebrating tonight.”

With a laugh, Kenma reached for Shouyou and dragged him into a hug. “I knew you could do it,” he murmured in his ear, holding him tight. “We’ll get Natsu after school and go someplace nice, yeah? Wherever you want. My treat.”

Shouyou wanted, more than anything (except maybe his mom back), to tug Kenma close, close, closer and kiss the breath out of him. His fingers twitched on Kenma’s hips, desperate to pull him close and show him how much he appreciated him. He wanted to _so badly_ , but... He didn’t want to scare him off, or ruin their relationship if Kenma didn’t feel the same. Shouyou would be devastated, losing two of his most important people like that.

“Yeah,” Shouyou said, voice a little too soft. Kenma’s excited look—as excited as he could look, anyway—softened into that fond smile Shouyou found more and more often, lately. And... Maybe Kenma wouldn’t mind, yanno, being with him... _romantically_. Shouyou hoped he wasn’t just reading into things, but...

But he wasn’t ready to be wrong, either.

“I’d like that.”

* * *

It was just over a week after Hinata’s disappearance when Takeda-sensei finally found his way back to school. He still looked a little wane, but he shuffled to class and drank lots of water and frowned when he arrived at club that afternoon and the others questioned him about Hinata’s disappearance. He excused himself to the administration office and frowned even more when he was told that Hinata had graduated early—just yesterday!—and that his mom had—

Takeda had to sit when they told him the news. If another teacher hadn’t seen his faltering, he would have fallen onto the floor instead of into the chair she had pulled out for him.

Hinata’s mom had died a week and a half ago and he hadn’t been there to support his student.

And, from his understanding, absolutely no one on the team knew, either.

Takeda sent a text to Ukai, telling him that he may or may not be back later.

But when Takeda approached the door, it wasn’t to any Hinatas. A boy he hadn’t seen in about a year opened the door, blinking up at him in disinterest.

“Can I help you?” the boy asked, only glancing at him once before looking over Takeda’s shoulder.

“Kozume?” Takeda asked, looking down at the address he had written down. “Isn’t this Hinata’s house?”

“Yes,” the boy replied shortly. “Can I help you?”

“Ah, yes...” Takeda scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I’ve been out of school for almost two weeks, you see, and when I got back the volleyball club said that Hinata had disappeared so I went looking and—” Takeda gulped. “How’s he doing?”

Kozume shrugged, flicking his gaze up for just a moment before looking away again. Right. He was the shy boy Hinata always hung out with at training camps before he had graduated. “As well as can be, I suppose. He’s been out all day looking for a job.” He glanced down at the phone in his hand. “Though he’s probably picking Natsu up and should be back soon.”

“Great!” Takeda shouted perhaps a bit too eagerly. Kozume jumped. Oops. “Do you mind if I hang around and wait? I wanted to make sure he’s okay.”

Kozume glared up at him, eyes heated for the first time that Takeda had ever seen. “I said he was okay.”

“I—I know!” Takeda tried to hold his hands up as peacefully as he could. “I—I just wanted to offer what support I could! No one on the team knows so I—I wanted to make sure he’s getting the support he needs.”

Kozume’s glare didn’t lessen for a very long, sweat-inducing moment. Finally, though, he sighed out a “fine” and stepped back to let Takeda in. He led him to the living room, pointed at the other end of the couch, and sat at the opposite end, pulling the laptop back into his lap and clicking away immediately, as if Takeda wasn’t there.

Okay...

It took maybe another twenty minutes before Hinata and his sister came bursting in, screaming and shouting—happily, Takeda noticed as they drew closer.

“Kenma~!” sang Hinata.

The laptop was safely on the table again before Hinata threw himself at Kozume. A little girl who looked remarkably like Hinata threw herself on top of the pile with a war cry.

“Kenma!” Hinata shouted, arms wrapped tight around his shoulders and a grin squishing his cheeks. “Kenma—” He fell back, eyes wide as he stared at Takeda and Takeda stared right back. “Takeda-sensei? What are you doing here?”

Takeda stood, and he could feel his eyes watering. “I just wanted to check on you,” he said, trying to swallow his tears. “I just got back today, and the club said you’ve been missing... So I asked administration, and... And I’m so sorry, Hinata.” His breath left him as Hinata threw himself into Takeda’s chest, crying earnestly. “Hinata!”

“Thanks,” came the muffled reply from his chest. Hinata was still so small... He sniffled as he pulled away. “Kenma and his cousin have been a great help. We’re doing okay, but... I had to graduate and find a job if I wanted to keep Natsu, so...”

“So no more volleyball...”

“Yeah...” Hinata frowned, confused. “What do you mean, they think I’m missing? I sent Yama a text saying I wouldn’t be back for a while...” He looked around, swiveling his head and finally turning his body. “Where’s my phone?”

“I’ll go look for it,” said Kozume in that quiet, tired voice of his. His hand briefly touched Hinata’s arm before he pulled away.

“I sent a text to Yamaguchi,” Hinata said. “I think I did, anyway... Last Wednesday I said I wouldn’t be at school for a while, but then I haven’t said anything about the graduation thing or anything yet because that only happened yesterday and I needed to find a job today—”

Takeda set his hands on Hinata’s shoulders to cut him off. “Breathe,” he said with a chuckle. “It’s okay. They were just worried...” Takeda looked at him, _really_ looked at him. Hinata’s eyes were bruised from sleeplessness, tight with concern and stress, shoulders bunched higher from the stress of just—everything he’d been through the last week. He trembled beneath Takeda’s hands. “Hey, let’s sit down, Hinata-kun, there...” Natsu immediately huddled against Hinata’s side. Takeda sat next to him and hesitated on where to put his hands. He decided his lap would be best. “Were you able to find a job?”

Hinata shook his head, pulling Natsu closer. “No. Not yet.”

Takeda nodded, wondering... “Do you mind if I tell your teammates? So they won’t worry so much?”

“Sure...” He frowned, though, as Takeda stood. “Now?”

“I’m just calling coach to let him know you’re okay. I’m only telling him what happened.” Takeda tried to smile as gently as possible. “They’ve been really worried.”

“... Okay.” He sounded small, scared, unsure. So unlike himself.

Takeda placed a hand on Hinata's head and ruffled the soft orange hair, much to the boy’s disgruntlement. Natsu giggled at his side. Takeda tried his best to smile back before heading outside to make his call.

Ukai picked up on the second ring. “Is he okay?” Smacks and shouts were muffled in the background.

Takeda drew in a large, shaky breath. “At the moment? Sort of?”

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” There was a clang—perhaps the gym doors closing, blocking out the sounds of volleyball practice.

“His mom died. Last Tuesday.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” A crackle of air assaulted his ear. “What the _fuck_. Why didn’t he say anything?”

“He said,” said Takeda slowly, looking back at the door behind him. He slowly lowered himself to sit on the steps and held his head in his free hand, elbows pushed hard against his knees. “He said he texted Yamaguchi that he wouldn’t be in to school for a while. Kozume—that setter from Nekoma who graduated last year?—went looking for his phone. He probably did the one text and has been ignoring his phone since and maybe the text didn’t go through...” He drew in another shaky breath, listening to Ukai curse on the other end. When he was done, Takeda added, “So his sister wouldn’t be taken away, he had to graduate early and he has to find a job...”

“Are you still there? With him?”

“Yeah. I’m outside.”

“Put him on.”

Takeda snorted, but stood and walked back inside. Hinata was the only one in the living room, settled back on the couch with his head craned back on the cushion, eyes closed and phone in hand. It was plugged into the wall, still trying to charge enough to turn back on. Takeda could hear Natsu speaking—probably to Kozume—somewhere nearby.

“Hinata?” Takeda said quietly, not wanting to disturb him. The poor boy still startled, blinking blearily up at him. Takeda wiggled his phone. “Ukai wants to talk to you.”

Hinata gulped, but nodded and held his hand out for the device. Takeda slowly lowered himself back to sit beside Hinata. He couldn’t hear what Ukai was saying, but Hinata kept agreeing, eyes filling with tears. “You’re sure?” he finally asked, wiping furiously at his eyes. “Thank you so much, Ukai-san.” Takeda could hear Ukai’s indignant squawk and Hinata laughed. Hinata handed him his phone back, face going slack as he tilted his head back again.

It was... bizarre.

“Hey,” Takeda said softly into the phone.

Ukai blew out more crackling air. “I told Hinata to come to practice in the morning—and to bring Natsu, too. He needs something fun. To get his mind off things.”

Right. Hinata was being completely cut off from the sport he loved. Takeda couldn’t even imagine...

“I’m telling the team,” Ukai said quietly. “I’m gonna end practice early and—I dunno. We’ll figure something out.”

“Okay. I... I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah...”

Takeda hung up and stared at his lap. He wasn’t exactly sure what he could say...

“Oh,” said Hinata quietly. His phone had finally turned on. “Apparently my message hadn’t sent... Oops. Jeez... So many texts and missed calls...” But he heaved a sigh, as if just the thought of the task had exhausted him.

“I can go through them for you, if you want?” Takeda offered, feeling a little silly.

But Hinata didn’t automatically brush him off. Instead, he handed the phone over. “Could you? I just...”

“I get it.” Takeda patted his arm with the gentlest smile he could muster. “I’m here to help you with anything you need.”

“Thanks.”

It was quiet as he worked, going through chronologically as best as he could. The phone calls were fewer and easier to handle, so he would save those for later—most everyone on the team had expressed concern over where he was, if he was okay, sending so many texts that the number was nearing a hundred. He could ignore those, seeing as Ukai was going to tell them what had happened. There were a few texts from two people he didn’t know, asking if he was alright and if he needed anything, sending texts every evening wishing him well. He showed them to Hinata who smiled—dim, sad, so unlike him—and took the phone to reply.

“They’re my friends from middle school,” he replied, even though Takeda hadn’t asked. “They knew, of course, because we were all so close and news got around town pretty quickly...”

Takeda took the phone back once Hinata was done replying. “People care about you, you know.”

“I know,” Hinata replied quietly. There were louder sounds from what Takeda assumed was the kitchen, pots and pans clanging together and cabinets opening and closing. “I just... I couldn’t deal with all these people showing concern. ‘S why I didn’t... say anything to the team.”

He didn’t really get it—Takeda would have assumed Hinata would have wanted to be surrounded by people in his time of grief. “Kozume?” he asked, unsure of how to phrase what he was really asking.

“He’s... different,” Hinata admitted quietly. “Kenma... He makes my mind quieter, you know? Calmer. Less _uwah_! and _fwoom_! and more... _zzzhhhh_ ,” he said with accompanying, albeit tired, hand gestures. Takeda supposed he could understand that. He nodded, encouraging Hinata to continue as he went through more texts. “He... dropped everything to come help us. Convinced his cousin to be my lawyer pro-bono... got the deal so I could keep Natsu...” He fell quiet again, and Takeda saw from the corner of his eye that Hinata was watching his phone as Takeda continued to go through the messages. “Ukai offered that I could work for him.”

“He was concerned,” Takeda replied. “You know he loves you guys.”

Hinata hummed, head falling back to stare at the ceiling.

“Are you going to take his offer?”

“Yeah... No one else has offered me a job, even though they all know—” Hinata cut himself off with a choked sob. “They wouldn’t listen. Just said I needed to stay home, take care of Natsu...” He took a deep breath and screwed his eyes shut, plowing on before Takeda could say anything. “Kenma is going to move in, help me take care of her and the house and help with bills and stuff.”

Takeda blinked. He hadn’t realized that the two had been dating. He had known they were close, but... “Oh. How long have you two been together?”

Hinata spluttered out a laugh, pitching forward and giggling as he clutched his stomach. “We aren’t,” he said once he calmed down. “I mean... I wish we were, but...”

“Because he’s taking care of you or—”

“N-No. I—” He turned away with a blush. “I’ve liked him a while. But... Never figured out a good time to ask, yanno? And... I don’t know if he likes me the same anyway. I didn’t want to ruin my friendship with him...”

“I think you have good chances,” Takeda replied with a grin.

“You think so?”

“Yeah.”

Hinata hummed again, but at least he was smiling. “Maybe... When this isn’t so fresh I’ll ask him. I dunno.”

They fell silent again as Takeda listened to the voicemails. There was one... not so kind one from Kageyama, but he could hear the concern under the harsh words. Takeda frowned and let Hinata know as gently as possible, who only laughed tiredly as Takeda continued listening to voicemails from the team and one from someone named “Tada.”

“Eh, if that was several days ago, she called Kenma and I talked to her then,” Hinata let him know.

After making sure the number was saved in Hinata’s phone, Takeda deleted it and moved on. There was only one voicemail left from last night from an unknown number. Hinata’s brow pinched as he blinked at the number, trying to recall who it could be. Finally, he admitted he had no idea and asked Takeda to listen to it for him.

“ _Hey, Shouyou-kun_ ,” said a strong, yet soft voice. She took a deep breath. “ _It’s Mikazuki, your mom’s boss? I—I’m just calling to let you know that we still have your mom’s things. No one’s touched them. You’re welcome to come by whenever if you wanted to come get her stuff... Uhm._ ” She cursed softly and sniffled. “ _I know it’s a tough time for you, so please don’t feel like I’m rushing you or anything! It’s just... We wanted to see you, wish you well, that sort of thing. Please—Please call ahead of time so I can... can reschedule things if I need to so I can—talk to you, if you don’t mind. This is my personal number. Please don’t hesitate to call if you need anything, okay? Anything—groceries, a babysitter for Natsu, just... Let me know, okay?_ ” There was a lengthy pause before the recording ended.

Takeda drew in a deep breath, willing his tears to keep back. Hinata didn’t look any better next to him, even though he hadn’t heard the recording. “It was—uhm... Mikazuki. Your mom’s boss? She uh...” He gulped and wiped at his eyes, trying to ignore the hitch in Hinata’s breath. “It’s her personal number, so she said to call if you need anything... And uhm. That you can go get your mom’s things whenever—no one’s going to touch it and there’s no rush. But she wants you to call ahead so she’ll have time to talk to you...”

Hinata’s hand shook as he took back his phone. It trembled even more as he listened to the recording himself, choking back a sob behind his other hand, squeezing his eyes tight to keep the tears from falling. They ran down his cheeks anyway and Takeda pulled him close, letting Hinata cry on his shoulder for however long he needed.

Finally, finally, Hinata pulled away, taking a tissue from nearby and blowing his nose. He wiped his eyes on his sleeves and laughed a little. “She, uh... paid for my mom’s funeral for me. She said it was the least she could do...”

“She sounds like a good woman.”

“She is.” Hinata drew in a shaky breath. “She’s always been kind to my—my mom. Especially after our dad died right before Natsu was born...”

“Oh, Shouyou...” Takeda pulled him back in as his cries began anew. “You were just dealt a really bad hand...”

“You’re telling me,” Hinata said with a little laugh. He squeezed Takeda tight before pulling away again, fanning his face and wiping away his tears. “Sorry if I got snot all over you.”

Takeda chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. Uhm...” He pulled out another tissue and gave it to the boy who had curled up on the end of the couch. “Would you like me to go with you? When you go?”

Hinata mulled it over for a minute, taking the chance to blow his nose and wipe the evidence away. “Uhm... Maybe. Depends on when I go, and if Natsu or Kenma come...”

“Just let me know. Even if it’s during the school day, I’ll be there if you want me to, okay?”

“You can’t miss school after being sick...”

Takeda gave him a grin. “I think they’ll be okay if it’s for this.”

Hinata chuckled and wrung the tissue between his fingers. “Did you know the vice-principal was the one who pushed for the graduation test?” he asked. “He wanted me to be able to stay, of course, but he’s the one who convinced everyone else that I could do it.”

Takeda outright laughed. “Is that so?”

“Yeah!” Hinata laughed as he threw the tissue towards the table. It fluttered to the ground instead, but Hinata didn’t seem inclined to pick it up. “He also demanded it be untimed or anything and asked for easy extra credit for me, stuff like that. Can... Can you thank him again for me?”

“Of course.”

Kenma appeared in the doorway, then, hand on hip and looking bored. “Dinner’s ready. Are you staying, Takeda-sensei?”

“Ah.” He looked between the two, then shook his head. “I won’t intrude. I’ll let you have your peace,” he said, patting Hinata’s knee as he stood. “Seriously, Shouyou. Give me a call if you need anything or want me to go with you, okay?”

“Thank you, sensei.”

Takeda promised himself he wouldn’t cry until he made it to his house.

... Well. At least he made it to his driveway.

* * *

The next morning, they all piled into their mom’s—Shouyou’s, now, he supposed—car to go to practice. He wasn’t about to make Kenma and his sister walk down the mountain just to have to walk back up it since there was only the one bike capable of the trip. Kenma drove to let Natsu and Shouyou bubble on about the upcoming practice.

Shouyou had thought they would have been early, but everyone was already there and doing their stretches. Shouyou and Natsu were already in their practice clothes. Kenma, on the other hand, had his PSP and an extra battery pack to get him through the practice. There was absolutely no way he was stepping foot onto the court. Even though he wore his favorite red track pants and t-shirt, that was... just a precaution.

He knew how lethal the Hinatas’ kicked puppy looks were.

As it were, the entire team stopped the moment they stepped into the gym. Natsu, intimidated by the large, scary teenagers suddenly crowding them, hid behind Kenma. Kenma, equally terrified, stood his ground and glared at the boys closest to them. They backed off, just a little, but they continued to ask questions on top of each other until Ukai broke them up.

“Oi! Give them room!” He rolled his eyes when they only took a step back.

“H-Hey, guys,” Shouyou stuttered, trying his best to grin. “Uh... Sorry...”

“Hey, it’s okay,” said Yamaguchi, stepping forward to rest a hand on his shoulder. “It’s been tough. We don’t blame you.”

“Y-Yeah. Uhm. I don’t wanna talk about it, so can we just...?”

“Yup!” Yamaguchi clapped his hands, smiling sweetly at the others. “Back to stretching! You, too, Na-chan!”

Natsu, to Kenma’s amusement, looked up in awe at Yamaguchi. He was holding a hand out to her, smiling and waiting patiently. “Me?” she whispered.

“Well, yeah!” Yamaguchi grinned. “I figured you could help me lead the stretches, yeah? Teach these stinky boys a thing or two?”

Natsu giggled and happily took his hand.

“You wanna join, Kenma?”

Kenma shook his head and took a seat against the wall. “I’m fine, Shouyou. You go have fun.”

Shouyou shifted from foot to foot, looking conflicted.

“ _Go_.”

“Jeez, _fine_ , grumpy.” But Shouyou was laughing, tired eyes crinkling, and he hopped over to join the others.

Natsu’s voice carried across the gym as she shouted out the counts for Yamaguchi. She was doing her best to follow the stretches, which was just too adorable. Kenma couldn’t help snapping a few pictures, PSP forgotten in his jacket pocket as he watched Natsu command fourteen high school boys.

“Hey,” said Yachi, sitting down next to him with her knees pulled to her chest.

Kenma nodded back, voice stuck in his throat. Great. He hadn’t really wanted to talk to anyone, but it seemed like he wouldn’t get away with it. Plus, Yachi was just too nice.

“How are they?” Yachi asked quietly, voice muffled behind her arms she had crossed over her knees.

He took a deep breath and leaned back, keeping his gaze on the gym as they finished their stretches. “They’re okay as they can be, I think.” He shrugged, not quite sure what else to say.

“We went to Hinata’s house a few times,” she admitted after a moment. The boys and Natsu were setting up warmups. “He wasn’t answering anyone, and no one was ever home, so we didn’t—”

“Sometimes we were out late,” he replied. “Or we passed out early. He turned off his phone after he texted Yamaguchi. It didn’t go through, though.”

“Oh...”

“He didn’t really want to talk to anybody,” Kenma said quietly. “I was the only person he willingly told, as far as I’m aware. He didn’t want to bother anybody.”

“He’s so stupid sometimes.” Kenma hummed for her to continue when she huffed. “We’re his _friends_. He’s _supposed_ to bother us. Especially with this!”

“He’s also grieving.”

“Yeah...”

They were quiet a moment, watching as Natsu tossed up the balls for the setters from her stand. Her aim wasn’t the greatest, but she was laughing and having fun, cheering everybody on, calling “don’t mind don’t mind!” when anyone messed up. Her cheers were especially exuberant when it was her brother’s turn.

“I better go help out...”

He let her go, not bothering to say anything. Practice continued on, and a few took the time to teach Natsu how to play. It seemed like they were going to put her in during their practice match, perhaps.

Sometime, though, he noticed Kageyama pull Shouyou away, face angry. He stood, ready to go defend his friend, but Shouyou shook his head and dove into Kageyama’s arms. The angry look went away, but the pang of jealousy hit Kenma right in the chest.

No. He had no reason to be jealous. He knew Shouyou liked him—he was good enough at eavesdropping, and besides, he’d known for a while but just... hadn’t had the courage to confront Shouyou.

But whatever anger Kageyama had at Shouyou seemed to melt at the hug. He hugged back, head resting Shouyou’s bright orange hair.

No. Kenma had no reason to be jealous, he had to remind himself. Shouyou didn’t look at Kageyama like he looked at Kenma, he reasoned. The two fought too much, really, and he knew Shouyou liked him. But Kenma also wasn’t going to say anything. Not yet. Shouyou was grieving, and he didn’t want a romantic relationship to possibly be colored negative due to Shouyou’s grief.

No, Kenma thought with a fond smile as Shouyou turned back and grinned at Kenma, waving shyly before heading back to practice. He didn’t have any reason to be worried at all.

* * *

Shouyou started work on Monday, and by Wednesday he asked if he could have the next day off to go get his mom’s things. Ukai was understanding and let him take the rest of the week off, offering to pay him half his wages. Shouyou shook his head, not wanting to take money he hadn’t earned. He thanked him profusely and took the leftover meat buns Ukai shoved at him for dinner.

Mikazuki waited at the door for them and flipped the sign to closed and locked the door, ushering them towards the receptionist desk. Shouyou clutched Natsu’s hand in his when they saw the entire staff waiting for them. Thankfully, Kenma was right there, standing behind them close enough that Shouyou could feel his warmth.

“We just wanted to say,” Mikazuki said with a wavering smile, “that we’re terribly sorry for your loss, and we’re willing to do anything to help you.”

“Thanks,” Shouyou replied, wiping away a tear. “And thanks for—for paying for stuff. It means a lot to us.”

Mikazuki cupped his face and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You shouldn’t have to trouble yourself with that, Shouyou. You’re just a baby yourself...”

He laughed shakily, feeling unsteady and empty and like he would float away any second. Kenma’s hand on his hip stopped him from floating right out of his body. “I know.”

She looked at Natsu, then at Kenma, before returning her gaze back to Shouyou. She brushed away his tears before stepping back. “Do you need anything? Groceries? Babysitting? Here.” She grabbed two envelopes from the receptionist’s desk and thrusted them into his chest. “It’s your mom’s last paycheck and—and we all chipped in a little to help you.”

The envelope was _thick_. He took a quick peek to see dozens and dozens of bills. Shouyou shook his head, trying to give it back to her. “I can’t—”

“Honey,” said Hana, one of his mom’s work friends. She was smiling, but looking like she was holding back tears. “We want to help you. Your family didn’t deserve any of this. Let us—Let us help you. You don’t need to worry about things, kiddo. We’ve got your back.”

“Speaking of!” Mikazuki shouted, grasping his shoulders and nearly shaking him. “Do you need a job? I’m sure we could find something here for you—”

Shouyou laughed and pulled the frantic woman close. Someone took the envelopes from him—Shouyou could just see Kenma pulling back, holding them close so they wouldn’t get dropped or lost. “Thanks, but my coach offered me a job at his store. That way I can still participate with the volleyball team, too.”

Mikazuki pulled away, nodding firmly and looking stern. “And babysitting Natsu?”

Pointing his thumb back at Kenma, Shouyou grinned and replied, “My friend offered to move in and help with things. We’re... We’re doing okay.”

She looked at him for a long moment, studying him, looking for any lies or mistruths. She must have found what she was looking for because she nodded again and turned to Natsu. “Hey, honey,” she said softly, crouching down a little to be more at her height. “You doing okay? Do you need anything?”

Natsu clutched her lion and gripped Kenma’s arm tight to her body as she stepped half behind him. Shouyou wasn’t quite sure why—she knew all of their mom’s coworkers and wasn’t usually so shy. But then she nodded, rubbing her face on Kenma’s jacket sleeve.

“I think Hana has a gift for you?” Mikazuki said softly, nodding back towards a grinning Hana.

Slowly, tentatively, Natsu shuffled out from behind Kenma and tugged on his hand towards the rest of their mom’s coworkers where they fawned over his sister and gave her gifts galore.

As she giggled at the attention—Kenma looking like he would rather have the ground swallow him but trooping through the awkward attention—Mikazuki pulled Shouyou away a little and lowered her voice. “When Natsu is ten or so, you gave give me a call and I can come talk with her.”

Shouyou frowned. “About what?”

“... Feminine hygiene products.”

Shouyou blinked at that. Honestly... it hadn’t been something he had been thinking about. Not with everything that had happened in the last few weeks. But there was still time, right? Another two years, at the very least, before Natsu would even think to hit puberty. Shouyou could get his shit together before then, right? And it wasn’t like it was weird to talk about or anything. His own mom had given him the puberty talk when he was about twelve or so.

He gave her an unenthusiastic grin. He knew it was lackluster, but he was also starting to wane. “Thanks,” he tried to say as sincerely as he could. “I’ll... try to remember.”

She laughed at that, but didn’t press.

The employees loaded them with gifts. Kenma had been tasked with taking everything out to the car—fuzzy blankets, mugs, lotion, at-home spa... stuff, just a lot of self-care items to help them relax. One gave Shouyou a type of organizer so he could keep appointments and important dates and his work schedule sorted. Kenma would probably get a kick out of putting it all together, Shouyou thought with a wry grin when his friends eyes lit up at the sight of it. Natsu even got a few more stuffed animals out of the ordeal.

And then Mikazuki led them back towards their mom’s desk.

As promised, nothing had been touched. It looked like it had at least been dusted recently, and maybe they had taken the work-related things that needed to be distributed to other employees to work on, but all of her personal items were exactly where she had left them just... just a few weeks ago.

Mikazuki produced a box and together the four of them efficiently cleaned and packed up her desk.

By the time they were done, Shouyou was hollowed out, moving without purpose. Kenma led him by a gentle hand at his back as Mikazuki placed the box in the trunk along with all their gifts. Natsu, subdued, glued herself to Kenma’s other side.

They might have exchanged goodbyes, Shouyou wasn’t sure. The next thing he knew, he was back at home, on the couch, wrapped in one of the new fuzzy blankets and a large mug of soup in his hands. Natsu was sitting cross-legged at the coffee table below him, Kenma next to him, pressed against his side, sipping at his own mug of soup.

That night, they huddled in Shouyou’s bed, Natsu protected in between him and Kenma.

In the morning, Kenma got Natsu up and ready for school, forcing Shouyou up as well to walk her there. Natsu didn’t seem nearly as devastated about yesterday’s ordeal as Shouyou felt, but... maybe she just... didn’t understand?

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Kenma asked on the way home.

He really, really didn’t, but Shouyou opened his mouth and vomited all his doubts and fears anyway. Kenma never judged him, never filled him with false hope—just listened and held his hand and made him more soup and wrapped him up at let him lay his head on Kenma’s lap as he played one of his games.

He felt so much better after that—hollow, still, but less like he would float away and more like he could make himself something new, something better, something worthy of what his mom had left behind. She was going to miss out on the rest of his life, but... that didn’t mean he had to wither away. He could make something of himself someday, maybe, when Natsu wouldn’t constantly need him.

Or, he thought with a private smile as Kenma paused his game and set it down to run his fingers through Shouyou’s hair, maybe he could start something knew with Kenma.

Shouyou’s heart ached just a little bit more, but he reminded himself, _not yet, not yet, not yet_.

* * *

Kenma was playing a game on the couch, curled up and cozy and absorbed in the action on the tiny screen. Natsu was at a friend’s house, spending the night like Shoyou had suggested.

He needed to talk to Kenma, and he didn’t want his sister overhearing.

Things had been going so well, much better than Shouyou would have ever thought. His mom had died almost a year ago, and Nationals were coming up again. Ukai had made his schedule easy enough for him to attend most practices as an “assistant coach” and so he could attend most of the practice matches and tournaments. He paid Shouyou well, too, and had even grumbled something the other day about promoting him to manager with all his hard work. Shouyou knew it was probably more because he felt bad for his family, and he wanted to argue, but Shouyou kept his mouth shut. He did a lot of that, nowadays, blinking tiredly at people when they expected more of a reaction from him, though he seemed to be gaining more energy lately.

Kenma said it was because he was moving on from his grief.

Natsu was doing good, too, thankfully. Sometimes she would call out for their mom before remembering that she wasn’t there, but would cover it by asking for Kenma instead. Shouyou always got a kick out of the stinkface Kenma made at that and grumbled how _Shouyou_ was the mom, not _him_.

Gently, Shouyou wiggled his way into Kenma’s hold. Kenma merely grunted and shifted enough so Shouyou could crawl under his arm and plaster himself to Kenma’s side. He rested his head on Kenma’s chest and wrapped an arm around his middle, watching the battle on the screen. He didn’t know which game this was—Kenma had entirely too many for Shouyou to be able to keep straight—but it looked like one of his games he used to pass the time, not something he was truly invested in.

“You okay, Shouyou?”

“Yeah,” he replied softly. “I... I wanted to talk to you about something. Is this a game we can talk through? It can wait...”

“Depends,” Kenma replied just as softly, thumbs swiftly moving over the buttons as his character did a series of flips and attacks on the dragon.

Fair enough. Shouyou took a deep breath. “I wanted to talk about us. Our relationship.”

Kenma immediately paused his game and set it on his lap. At least Shouyou had his full attention, even though he made no move to move to look at him. Shouyou wouldn’t force him to face him—he knew how much Kenma hated eye contact, especially during more intense conversations. “What about it? Us?” Kenma asked, voice leveled carefully.

“I know,” Shouyou started, taking a deep breath before continuing, “that you like me. And I like you. A lot. And—I wanted to say something earlier, maybe a year or so ago, ask you out and stuff, but I wasn’t ever _sure_ and I didn’t want to lose you as a friend.” Kenma was a little too still underneath him. “But then my—my mom died,” Kenma tightened his arm around him at that, praising him for only barely hesitating that time, “and... and you moved in and helped me with everything and you’ve been so _good_ to us but I didn’t wanna ask yet because I didn’t want my grief to cloud anything or whatever and—”

“Shouyou. Breathe.”

Shouyou took in a huge gulp of air and giggled into Kenma’s chest. Kenma chuckled softly, tightening his grip for a moment.

“I think,” Shouyou murmured once he had calmed down, “that I’m... ready for a relationship if you are?”

“What about Natsu?”

Shouyou could barely contain his glee. Happiness and love bubbled in his chest, threatening to choke him. Kenma knew how much Natsu meant to him and was more concerned about her thoughts than his happiness and Shouyou just wanted to—He wasn’t sure, really. Kiss him or something equally sappy. “I talked with Natsu,” Shouyou said with a little laughter. “She thinks we’ve been dating for a while already.”

“... Ah.”

“So?”

“Well.” Kenma’s voice was even quieter, if possible. “I wouldn’t say no. I don’t know how we’re... going to do this, I guess?”

Shouyou pressed his heating face into Kenma’s chest. “Well, I guess like we’ve been doing so far but we can kiss, now?”

“Only kiss?”

“Kenma!” Shouyou shot up to give him a scandalized look. But Kenma merely grinned back at him. Shouyou pouted, but the smile on Kenma’s face said he looked more cute than foreboding. “I mean, I’m not opposed!”

Kenma laughed softly, eyes smoothing out into affection as he brought up a hand to brush away some of Shouyou’s hair. “I... wouldn’t mind sharing a bed with you, Shou. It doesn’t have to be because of sex, yet.” He turned thoughtful, gaze wandering away. “I don’t think we’ll fit in either the guest bed or your bed very well, though.”

“I was thinking of cleaning out my mom’s room and we could move in there?”

Kenma’s eyes slid back to his, wide with surprise. “Are you ready for that?”

“Yeah. It’s been almost a year,” Shouyou replied, biting his lip. “I think it’s time. We can box it up and put it in my closet, and you can use my room as your office.”

“Whatever you want,” Kenma said softly. “Can I kiss you now?”

Shouyou grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”

* * *

“Hello, Kodzuken here,” Shouyou heard Kenma say in that tired drawl of his.

He could hear Natsu giggling and he smiled, putting down the laundry basket so he could see what they were doing. Kenma’s office door was open and the lights were up. Good—Shouyou had complained enough that Kenma played in the dark too much and strained his eyes. Shouyou crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame to take in the scene.

Kenma was sitting with his legs crossed in his chair. Natsu was in his lap, legs swinging cheerfully. His chin rested on the top of her head and his arms wrapped around her so the controller was in her lap. Her tiny hands rested on his arms, and Shouyou wondered if she was kneading him like she liked to do sometimes when she was happy. She was still so little, even though she was almost eleven.

“And I’m Na-chan!” his sister exclaimed, bouncing on Kenma’s lap. “Welcome back to—uh—uhm—Play-Through with Na-chan!”

“Good job,” he heard Kenma murmur before kissing the top of her head. Shouyou wanted to swoon right then and there. “That’s right,” Kenma said louder, looking at his options on the screen. “I’ve decided to start a new series called Play-Through with Na-chan, since you guys liked our last video so much. To those of you who are new, Na-chan is going to guide me through playing some of her favorite games.”

“Today we’re playing Little Big Planet!” Natsu said, sounding a little too excited.

“Before we start,” said Kenma, toggling between the menu options. “Some of you asked if Na-chan is my sister, or how I knew her or whatever.” He paused briefly as he studied the options. “She’s my boyfriend’s sister, and...” Shouyou’s heart clenched like it did every time Kenma was so open about their relationship, especially when he said it so softly, so warmly, just like that. “Well, one day I’m hoping she’ll be my sister-in-law.”

Shouyou’s breath hitched, heart leaping into his throat. What—

“Huh?” asked Natsu, turning around to look up at him.

“I... I guess what I’m asking, Na-chan,” Kenma said quietly, bravely meeting her eyes even though Shouyou knew that he hated looking people in the eye when he was nervous, even though he was comfortable with them, now, after so long— “I was hoping you’d be okay if one day I asked your brother to marry me.”

“ _Uwah_!” Natsu was just as much like him when he got excited. She turned fully, knees dangerously close to harming some sensitive areas, so she could look up at him with wide eyes. Shouyou had to cover his mouth so he could continue to watch. “ _Really_?!”

“Y-Yeah. If that’s okay with you?”

“ _Duh_! Come on! Go ask him now!”

Shouyou swallowed down a laugh, backing away as Kenma hugged her close and made her promise to keep it a secret and spluttered as he tried to explain that he wanted it to be _special_.

He brushed the tears from his eyes, chuckling as he picked up the laundry basket once more. It hurt, a little, to think that his mom wouldn’t be there to celebrate that with him, but... He knew that she would have approved of Kenma, especially with how well he had been taking care of them since her death, and with how much he loved them and they loved him...

Hmm... Now, should he ask Kenma first, or should he wait to see what Kenma had in store for him?


End file.
